How To Make A Baby

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and
decided to use a surrogate father to start their
family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive,
Mr. Smith kissed his wife. Jo, goodbye and said,
'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'


Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell,
hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he
said, 'I've come to...'


'Oh, no need to explain,' Jo cut in, embarrassed,
'I've been expecting you.'


'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well,
that's good. Did you know babies are my
specialty?'


'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped.
Please come in and have a seat'.


After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where
do we start?'


'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on
the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is
fun. You can really spread out there.'


'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't
work out for Harry and me!'


'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one
every time. But if we try several different
positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'


'My, that's a lot!', gasped Jo.


'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his
time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes,
but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'


'Don't I know it,' said Jo quietly.


The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled
out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was
done on the top of a bus,' he said.


'Oh, my word!' Jo exclaimed, grasping at her
throat.


'And these twins turned out exceptionally well -
when you consider their mother was so difficult to
work with.'


'She was difficult?' asked Jo.


'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to
the park to get the job done right. People were
crowding around four and five deep to get a good
look'


'Four and five deep?' said Jo, her eyes wide with
amazement.


'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more
than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling -
I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness
approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my
equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'


Jo leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually
chewed on your, uh...equipment?'


'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready,
I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right
away.'


'Tripod?'


'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my
Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand
for very long.'


Mrs. Smith fainted.....